A Baby Story

Well it was only a matter of time.  You are in an amazing relationship, your job is good with excellent benefits, you are as broke as can be, and you go off of your birth control after a good talk with the person you are in an excellent relationship with.  You enjoy drinking (I mean, who doesn't?), you have run the Charlottesville 10 miler (never thought THAT would ever happen, and I even enjoyed it), you finished the Bikram Yoga 30 day challenge (again, never thought it would happen and I LOVED it).  Your good job has a major relocation 10 plus years in the making, and you are EXHAUSTED.  I mean, I've never had mono, but I'm guessing this is a similar feeling.  No amount of sleep, lack of work, or coke zero will fix it.  Then it dawns on me.

Am I?  Should I take a test?  I mean, the new store is opening in two days, I haven't been puking which is always the first sign in any movie (as we all know), it's just been a long couple of weeks, right?  To be on the safe side, I proceed to eat a huge tuna caesar salad from Bodo's Bagels, and drink some really good scotch while at a friends house for dinner.  I mean, in the event that I AM preggers, better enjoy this last potential day of freedom.

So it's Monday, June 6th.  I work, I get home, and then I think, better now than never.  The time for the at home pregnancy tests that have been hiding under the bathroom sink for over a year (do those things ever expire by the way?) has come.  It was one of those "first response" ones.  FYI, spend the extra couple bucks for the digital ones (see above and below.)  I took one, and it *kind of* looked like there may be two lines? (1 equals not preggo, 2 equals better get it together lady, cause life as you know it is FOREVER CHANGED.  Not to be dramatic or anything.)

I show it to my fella.  He goes (while holding it up to the light) "um...not to disappoint you but...I don't think so."  (Note to anyone ever trying to read a pregnancy test.  You don't read it by holding it up to the light like a view-master.  Little did we know.)  I was like "Um...when I've taken these in the past, it's been much clearer". (And yes readers, I have taken my fair share of these, the most memorable one being in the bathroom of a Starbucks on aster place in NYC on my way down to the Planned Parenthood office...but that's a different story.  And it came back negative so no worries there.)  So I do what any sane girl would do.  Drive to the CVS 5 minutes from my home and pony up the extra $25 and buy a digital test.  I get home, drink some water, and try again.

Well, that's pretty obvious, isn't it?  I proceed to call a few girlfriends and my sister and scream for the next 3 hours.  Aren't you glad you weren't around for that?

That was over three months ago.  Since then, it's like I've been submerged into a world that speaks a totally different language.  I suddenly know what phrases like "tummy time", "lanugo", and "I'M STARVING SO SOMEONE HAND ME A SANDWICH" really mean.  I have gained around 12 pounds (according to my scale, let's not go by the doctor's shall we?  Everyone knows that they are wrong and you are NEVER to weigh a lady with her shoes on.)  It took me a total of 10-12 weeks to not be able to fit in my pants anymore.  Obviously, (or maybe not), I'm not drinking (yeah, that's a major bummer.  I'm not going to lie, if you are like me and there is no greater joy than sharing a glass of wine with friends over dinner or having a PBR shandy on a summer morning, this sucks.  No way around it. But it's fine and you get over it.  And thanks to what my dear friend Miller taught me, everything tastes better out of a wine glass.)   We found an awesome doctor, whom we both really like, and for the first time in my life, I can't wait for my next appointment.  Other changes?

Things like this KILL me with cuteness.  And then I want to cry.  A LOT.  At commercials.  At random acts of kindness or unkindness.  Because I can't fit in my pants.  Because I don't look pregnant enough.  Because that damn cat kept me up.  Because when I have don't have to pee all the time, I'm in a sleep coma.  Oh hormones you saucy minx.  You just keep me on my toes, dontcha?

Aside from the weighing more than I ever have (not easy to take, but again, not much choice in that matter so you just deal and move on) and the hormones, the differences are less blatant.  I eat breakfast and I never used to (again, I have no choice in the matter, thank you ever expanding and loud stomach).  I have super human smell which is mostly totally AWESOME!  (I've never had the best sense of smell so this is really big for me.)  I miss things like soft cheeses, riding roller-coasters, and getting in hot tubs  (all of which were summer opportunities that I had to decline).  But mostly, it's really flipping cool.  At the most, I don't plan on having this experience but one more timer ever again in my life, so I'm kind of loving it.  I was really lucky to have a stupidly easy first trimester and I am very aware that most people do not.  I never threw up, or felt nauseous (but I also was constantly eating so my body didn't have time for that.  Or that's my theory).  I had to stop running after about 6-8 weeks (bless all of you large bosomed ladies out there.  My hat is off to you, cause I could have NONE of it.)  It's like I've switched boobs with Christina Hendricks from Mad Men.  A whole new world, let me just say.  Instead of going out drinking with my friends, my Friday nights are now mostly spent laying on the couch with my feet up, eating dessert and throwing baby names back and forth with my fella.  And I'm okay with it.  It's actually really nice.  And no, we are not going to find out the sex of the baby before it's born.  And yes, that will make it hard for you to buy gender specific clothes for baby Groucho so please just deal.  And yes, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, and every time, is.....amazing.

So this is not what this blog will become completely.   I'm not going to rename it "things my baby Groucho does that are just precious" (mostly because that word makes me want to vomit.)  It's called "Things I like, by me" and my likes continue to mostly focus on family, movies, friends, food and drink.  But all of a sudden, family means something a little different, because it's going to BE a little different.  There is going to be a little person that my best friend and I have made together.  We have and are in the process of creating our own family, bigger than just us and our cats.  And it's not all going to be pretty.  I won't pretend that I didn't have a minor freak out when it actually occurred to me that there is a heart beat.  In my tummy. It's kind of creepy, and I'm not going to lie about it.  But it's exciting!  And it's different!  And fall is right around the corner.  Soups, and pumpkins, and (decaf) english breakfast tea, and walks in the fall colors, and baking are all just moments away.  I have to say I'm just pretty lucky to be where I am right now.  And I have a feeling those maternity pants will come in handy around the holiday eating time.  Just saying.  I may never give those up.